For as long as I can remember, even before anything particularly traumatic happened (e.g. biological father dying when I was aged 5 years), I've had disturbing dreams. A few of the ones I can recall from childhood include:
When I was 10, in September 2016, I started having dreams of this very sinister very frightening recurring figure which I title "Robot Queen Elizabeth II". It has a grey and white mechanical robotic torso and limbs and what appears to be a soggy decomposed giant grey human head with dark grey holes for eyes and mouth (I find it creepy how I never remember what the nose is like), dark curly hair, and a crown. By 2023 or 2024 the dreams of this figure died down, but I'm still not exempt. I remember a dream I had in 2020 or 2021 in which I was in Newcastle city centre. I jumped and then I flew into the air, losing perception of my physical form and entering a black void in which I could not see anything but black and did not have a body. I found it harder to breathe although I could detect a weird mechanical smell, and I felt somewhat suffocated, and then I woke up. I often get recurring dreams about Newcastle upon Tyne, where I was born, especially about the bridges on the River Tyne and falling into the river and dying.
These dreams make me feel very afraid of death and cause me to think about death all of the time. The dreams also cause me to feel conflicted, e.g. I want to satisfy my desire to be a male, my desire to satisfy my cravings for caffeine and nicotine and other drugs, my desire to express my identity for example by styling my hair the way I want and by dressing how I want and by decorating my house how I want. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone had any similar dreams? Ik this may sound kind of stupid but could anyone please explain to me the potential actual meaning of these dreams?
I know this is superstitious, but I was born on Friday the 13th, and I'm very unlucky indeed. I'm transgender, autistic, have an eating disorder, was abused as a child, and live in care.
- Age 4 = Being in the backseat of a car driving through a light place that was potentially a white void. In front of me, in the front passenger seat, was an unknown person with neck-length straight brown hair. There appeared to be no-one in the driver's seat although the steering wheel seemed to be rotating on its own, suggesting the presence of an entity capable of invisibility. Right in front of me I could see a transparent brightly coloured robot, attached to the rear of the front passenger seat, that was supposed to entertain me by playing music.
- Age 4 = Hypnagogic hallucinations of faceless yellow-skinned doll-like clones of my mother entering my bedroom. I was forced to draw eyes, nose and mouth onto what appeared to be their faces otherwise I would suffer unknown albeit probably severe consequences.
- Age 6 = General recurring dreams of people turning into robots. I can't tell if this was caused by watching the Terminator. Even prior to this I had dreams of robots.
- Age 7 = This transparent thing that was a similar size to a plant pot, and had a smiley face and was filled with many tubes containing many brightly coloured spheres. It was supposed to assist with art but was in fact evil and tried to eat me so I would shrink to the size of a very small crumb and walk around in a sphere around a tiny tube for eternity.
- Age 7 = My female maternal first cousin left me home alone but just before she left the house to go for a walk she gave me two wrapped boxes. I remember being alone in the living room, acting goofy and laughing at random crap, but then I remembered to open the two boxes. I don't know if I remember this correctly but I opened the red box first and it was empty, but when I opened the blue box I instantly teleported into the kitchen of my maternal aunt's house and out of the box came a tall thin golden robot grabbing my wrists tightly and I could not let go, it was attempting to drag me into the black void where I would be in its company for eternity.
- Age 8 = An unknown quantity of humanoid puppies who could talk travelling to the bottom of the ocean only to find that not only were they trapped down there forever, but also that they could not take their outfits off for eternity. I find it creepy how in 2014 I was aged 8, and in March 2014 the MH370 plane had gone missing and so far it has never been found.
- Age 8 = My brother's disembodied head attached to a toilet.
- Unknown age = A blonde woman's disembodied head and shoulders on display in a hospital, and later on in the dream I found that in a black void.
When I was 10, in September 2016, I started having dreams of this very sinister very frightening recurring figure which I title "Robot Queen Elizabeth II". It has a grey and white mechanical robotic torso and limbs and what appears to be a soggy decomposed giant grey human head with dark grey holes for eyes and mouth (I find it creepy how I never remember what the nose is like), dark curly hair, and a crown. By 2023 or 2024 the dreams of this figure died down, but I'm still not exempt. I remember a dream I had in 2020 or 2021 in which I was in Newcastle city centre. I jumped and then I flew into the air, losing perception of my physical form and entering a black void in which I could not see anything but black and did not have a body. I found it harder to breathe although I could detect a weird mechanical smell, and I felt somewhat suffocated, and then I woke up. I often get recurring dreams about Newcastle upon Tyne, where I was born, especially about the bridges on the River Tyne and falling into the river and dying.
These dreams make me feel very afraid of death and cause me to think about death all of the time. The dreams also cause me to feel conflicted, e.g. I want to satisfy my desire to be a male, my desire to satisfy my cravings for caffeine and nicotine and other drugs, my desire to express my identity for example by styling my hair the way I want and by dressing how I want and by decorating my house how I want. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone had any similar dreams? Ik this may sound kind of stupid but could anyone please explain to me the potential actual meaning of these dreams?
I know this is superstitious, but I was born on Friday the 13th, and I'm very unlucky indeed. I'm transgender, autistic, have an eating disorder, was abused as a child, and live in care.
