I guess I’m posting this here because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about all this. I know typically when you talk about a relationship you think romantic but, I had a really hard dream about my mom. I feel guilty and angry at the same time. In the dream she had me pinned down and was yelling at me (things I couldn’t really hear), I yelled back that she was acting like her mother and she got so angry, I had to yell at her repeatedly to look at what she was doing to me and how she was hurting me. When she finally let me up she was crying, I just stood up and started walking away, she fell to her knees crying and calling out to me. I started crying and hesitated but then changed my face to one of determination or anger and continued walking away. That was the whole dream, I’ve been having dreams like this since she went too far a couple of years ago (growing up she always got physical but never to the point where I felt like I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t fight for my life). I’m so mad at her but at the same time I feel so much guilt because she never let anyone else hurt me, she taught me how to be strong with others… as long as I wasn’t strong with her. These dreams and the dreams she’s in where I’m being dragged into darkness or turning into the monster are driving me crazy. I know that the things she’s done to me are wrong but I don’t know how to leave her behind like I did in the dream. I still love her but I also hate that I do. Honestly I don’t even want to sleep anymore because she’s almost always there and I can’t remember the last time I had a neutral or good dream. And I’m terrified that by using anger to keep her distanced from me I’m slowly turning into her.