JusticeRose
New member
I'm a 26 year old woman. A close family member of mine that is like a child to me has been S/A'd by multiple uncles and/or people her mom dated. As a result my trust issues are severely deep rooted. I'm getting to the part about the dreams but figure the back story of all people involved will help with anyone willing to try and give me some much needed insight and clarity. I remember that the last time I was in a long term relationship I couldn't even sleep if he was staying the night with me when my daughter wasn't staying the night at my mom's. I felt on edge all the time. Couldn't ever rest. I eventually ended it after my niece admitted he made her feel weird. I asked her if he did anything to make her feel that way, she said no, it's just a feeling, but her older sister has always been very intuitive through dreams and gets what I consider to be premonitions through them. Her dreams seem to be warnings.
Anyway, fast forward to 2024. I meet a wonderful 24 going on 25 year old man at work and ask him out. We've been dating for a year and a half but, sorry if this is TMI, the sex life is more or less non existent. He shows sexual interest but can't keep it up almost ever. I know about ED, regardless tho, I guess subconsciously this situation has made me wonder if he has been honest about his sexuality/takes interest in things that are vile. He's never had a diagnosis for ED but admits it's been the downfall of his other relationships. I know he has a fear of being made fun of and I know it's difficult for him to talk about it so I haven't pushed him to go get examined for it. I asked the girls in my life, my daughter and nieces, if they feel safe around him and they said yes. Said he's never done anything weird or made them uncomfortable. But my sister's last husband didn't hurt anyone for six months until he started preying on her daughter. So you can understand my fear hopefully, as me and him have only been living together for about three months.
All I can think of that's happened in reality that could trigger these dreams are a handful of things. The first time I mentioned my opinion on sexual predators, (obviously very negative) I thought he initially appeared crestfallen even though he agreed?
I also thought I caught him looking at the girls when skin is exposed??? The times I thought I saw that, it was never a creepy stare, more like an awkward "Oh there's skin showing" and he looks away right away. I mean, maybe he's looking at something else but? I understand it's distracting and weird when something is out that shouldn't be so I tried not to think much of it after asking the girls if they felt safe around him. When someone's skin is exposed, I feel like it's my natural response to look even if I definitely dont want to see it, if I'm the furthest thing from attracted to whoever it is. I hope that makes sense. And I mean, I know I would never hurt anyone, this type of trauma is something I never want anyone to experience ever again and if I saw or knew it was happening, I would take IMMEDIATE action just like I did with my niece when she told me my sister's husband was abusing her. So does it mean he's weird then?
He also told me that the most watched porn is guys looking up incest porn with a son and his mother?!!? I don't really watch porn so I guess I'm wondering how and why he knows that? The only other thing I can think is we were cuddling and kissing one time and he said "I love you, mom." Then immediately corrected. I didn't confront him as I know I've called people the wrong name plenty but I'll admit it didn't sit right with me, especially after what he mentioned about what he knows about incest porn? 👀🥲
This man is a trauma survivor himself. His dad sexually and physically abused him, all his siblings and his mother. He changed his name so that he didn't have to take his dad's name because of it all and he seems to vehemently want to be the opposite of him and detests him entirely. He seems to have a healthy, normal relationship with his mother and never mentioned her sexually abusing any of them, only his dad. She doesn't have any weird emotional incest tendencies and loves me to pieces.
Despite most of this seemingly normal behavior at surface level, for the last few weeks, I keep having recurring nightmares about him. In the first one, I had a security camera planted that he didn't know about. I left the room and he tilted my niece's chin up and kissed her as soon as I left. I woke up.
In the next one, I find pictures of his mom in his porn stash and he admits to being into incest and that he used to hook up with his mom?!?!??? Where is this coming from?!?!? I feel sick.
This one I had last night, I asked my daughter if he touched her. She's been acting sad for seemingly no reason in the dream and has shut down. She nods quietly and I confront him. He admits he's a predator, hates himself for it and that's a big reason why he's been suicidal his whole life. I'm raging out and trying to harm him physically when I wake up.
Keep in mind, I try very hard not to project these fears onto the little ones, I don't show fear around the topic, I've had the "no touch zone" talk with them, completely unrelated to him, just for their general safety. They seem genuinely confused when I talk about these types of things so I think they're OK. I also drill the "no secrets" thing and tell them if someone tells them to keep a secret they should definitely tell me as it might mean they aren't a safe person. I also took a year to myself before dating again, trying hard to heal these traumas so I don't hurt another person like I did the guy before him and I've improved so much. I can leave the girls with him when I go to the store or something now and never felt like I could do that with anyone in the past. I felt truly ready to devote my trust to someone, I tried hard to make sure I could give that trust going forward because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I guess I'm wondering. Is this a premonition or am I just traumatized? I've NEVER had recurring dreams about this with a partner. Even the ex that I left previously, it was just an on edge kind of feeling, we all felt that way, and later my niece told me he gave her an uncomfortable compliment when I left the room. And it just makes me wonder, if I'm so concerned about my current boyfriend possibly being in the closet when I'm awake, why have I had no nightmares about that? I suppose because I don't have trauma around a situation like that?
Anyway, fast forward to 2024. I meet a wonderful 24 going on 25 year old man at work and ask him out. We've been dating for a year and a half but, sorry if this is TMI, the sex life is more or less non existent. He shows sexual interest but can't keep it up almost ever. I know about ED, regardless tho, I guess subconsciously this situation has made me wonder if he has been honest about his sexuality/takes interest in things that are vile. He's never had a diagnosis for ED but admits it's been the downfall of his other relationships. I know he has a fear of being made fun of and I know it's difficult for him to talk about it so I haven't pushed him to go get examined for it. I asked the girls in my life, my daughter and nieces, if they feel safe around him and they said yes. Said he's never done anything weird or made them uncomfortable. But my sister's last husband didn't hurt anyone for six months until he started preying on her daughter. So you can understand my fear hopefully, as me and him have only been living together for about three months.
All I can think of that's happened in reality that could trigger these dreams are a handful of things. The first time I mentioned my opinion on sexual predators, (obviously very negative) I thought he initially appeared crestfallen even though he agreed?
I also thought I caught him looking at the girls when skin is exposed??? The times I thought I saw that, it was never a creepy stare, more like an awkward "Oh there's skin showing" and he looks away right away. I mean, maybe he's looking at something else but? I understand it's distracting and weird when something is out that shouldn't be so I tried not to think much of it after asking the girls if they felt safe around him. When someone's skin is exposed, I feel like it's my natural response to look even if I definitely dont want to see it, if I'm the furthest thing from attracted to whoever it is. I hope that makes sense. And I mean, I know I would never hurt anyone, this type of trauma is something I never want anyone to experience ever again and if I saw or knew it was happening, I would take IMMEDIATE action just like I did with my niece when she told me my sister's husband was abusing her. So does it mean he's weird then?
He also told me that the most watched porn is guys looking up incest porn with a son and his mother?!!? I don't really watch porn so I guess I'm wondering how and why he knows that? The only other thing I can think is we were cuddling and kissing one time and he said "I love you, mom." Then immediately corrected. I didn't confront him as I know I've called people the wrong name plenty but I'll admit it didn't sit right with me, especially after what he mentioned about what he knows about incest porn? 👀🥲
This man is a trauma survivor himself. His dad sexually and physically abused him, all his siblings and his mother. He changed his name so that he didn't have to take his dad's name because of it all and he seems to vehemently want to be the opposite of him and detests him entirely. He seems to have a healthy, normal relationship with his mother and never mentioned her sexually abusing any of them, only his dad. She doesn't have any weird emotional incest tendencies and loves me to pieces.
Despite most of this seemingly normal behavior at surface level, for the last few weeks, I keep having recurring nightmares about him. In the first one, I had a security camera planted that he didn't know about. I left the room and he tilted my niece's chin up and kissed her as soon as I left. I woke up.
In the next one, I find pictures of his mom in his porn stash and he admits to being into incest and that he used to hook up with his mom?!?!??? Where is this coming from?!?!? I feel sick.
This one I had last night, I asked my daughter if he touched her. She's been acting sad for seemingly no reason in the dream and has shut down. She nods quietly and I confront him. He admits he's a predator, hates himself for it and that's a big reason why he's been suicidal his whole life. I'm raging out and trying to harm him physically when I wake up.
Keep in mind, I try very hard not to project these fears onto the little ones, I don't show fear around the topic, I've had the "no touch zone" talk with them, completely unrelated to him, just for their general safety. They seem genuinely confused when I talk about these types of things so I think they're OK. I also drill the "no secrets" thing and tell them if someone tells them to keep a secret they should definitely tell me as it might mean they aren't a safe person. I also took a year to myself before dating again, trying hard to heal these traumas so I don't hurt another person like I did the guy before him and I've improved so much. I can leave the girls with him when I go to the store or something now and never felt like I could do that with anyone in the past. I felt truly ready to devote my trust to someone, I tried hard to make sure I could give that trust going forward because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I guess I'm wondering. Is this a premonition or am I just traumatized? I've NEVER had recurring dreams about this with a partner. Even the ex that I left previously, it was just an on edge kind of feeling, we all felt that way, and later my niece told me he gave her an uncomfortable compliment when I left the room. And it just makes me wonder, if I'm so concerned about my current boyfriend possibly being in the closet when I'm awake, why have I had no nightmares about that? I suppose because I don't have trauma around a situation like that?
Last edited: